The Voice of the Soul: Words Reveal Who We Really Are
We spend a lot of time worrying about our appearance. We choose our clothes carefully, style our hair, and curate our social media profiles to present a specific image to the world. We want to be seen in a certain way. But while our eyes can be easily tricked by a well-tailored suit or a confident smile, our ears are much harder to fool.
There is an Icelandic saying that cuts through the visual noise and gets straight to the heart of human connection:
"Af máli má manninn þekkja."
Translated, it simply means: "One can know the man by his speech."
This profound little phrase reminds us that while our appearance shows the world where we want to be, our words reveal where we actually are. Speech is the fingerprint of the soul.
Our Origins
On the most practical level, our speech is a map of our history. You can often hear a person’s entire life story in a few sentences if you listen closely enough.
The rhythm of our voice, the specific words we choose, and the unique slang we use are all souvenirs from the places we have been. They reveal our origins—not just which part of the country we grew up in, but the social environments that shaped us. A person who speaks with gentle, academic precision reveals a background of study and libraries. A person who speaks with colorful, earthy idioms reveals a life lived in the thick of the real world.
When we listen to someone, we aren't just hearing information; we are hearing their heritage.
The Window to the Inner Nature
But the proverb goes deeper than just geography. Speech is the most direct link to our innermost thoughts.
Thoughts are invisible, but words are thoughts made physical. You cannot hide a kind heart for long, just as you cannot hide a bitter one. Even if someone tries to mask their true feelings with polite pleasantries, their choice of words will eventually give them away.
- A person who constantly uses "we" and "us" reveals a collaborative, community-focused nature.
- A person who focuses on "I" and "me" may be revealing a need for validation.
- A person who uses optimistic words in a crisis reveals resilience.
By paying attention to how someone speaks, rather than just what they say, you get a glimpse of their true character.
The Art of Deep Listening
If speech is the key to knowing a person, then listening is the hand that turns it.
In our modern world, we often listen just enough to formulate a reply. We treat conversation like a tennis match, waiting for the ball to come to us so we can hit it back. But to truly "know the man by his speech," we have to stop playing tennis and start being an audience.
To find true friends and build deep connections, we must cultivate the skill of active listening.
How to Listen for the Truth
How do you move from "hearing" to "knowing"? Here are a few ways to sharpen your ears and your heart:
1. Listen to the Tone, Not Just the Text Often, the truth is not in the sentence itself, but in the melody of the voice. Is their voice tight and strained, or loose and warm? A person might say, "I'm fine," but their pitch and speed will tell you if they are actually exhausted or anxious. Trust the music more than the lyrics.
2. Listen for Repetition What does this person mention over and over again? We tend to circle back to the things that matter most to us (or the things that worry us most). If a friend keeps bringing up a specific topic, even as a joke, it is a signal that this is weighing on their mind.
3. Listen to the Silences Sometimes, what a person doesn't say is the most revealing part of their speech. If you ask about a specific subject and they deftly change the topic or go quiet, that silence is a word in itself. It tells you where their boundaries or wounds are.
Little summary
"Af máli má manninn þekkja" is not a warning to judge others; it is an invitation to understand them.
Our words are the bridge between our inner world and the outer world. By treating speech with the respect it deserves—both by choosing our own words carefully and by listening deeply to the words of others—we can move past appearance and find the true connection.
So, the next time you meet someone new, listen, let their words paint the picture of who they really are.
| Word | Meaning |
| Af | Preposition (takes dative). Meaning "from" or "by." |
| Máli | Noun (mál) meaning "speech," "language," or "voice." |
| Má | Verb (mega) meaning "may" or "can." |
| Manninn | Noun (maður) meaning "the man." |
| Þekkja | Verb meaning "to know," "recognize," or "identify." |
Learn more
→ Start Icelandic journey here
→ Nordic sayings to guide your life
Photo by Cristina Gottardi
